Thursday, April 16, 2009

Okay days and Really bad days

So today started out as an okay day but somewhere it went bad,As I can not hold back my tears anymore. It has been about 7 weeks since we found out our baby girl passed away.Some days I still can not believe it.As the weather is getting nicer out I think about all those long walks we would have taken while the boys were at school.I finally went in her room this past week and emptied out her suitcase then I proceeded to reaarange the room for the third time. With each new referral I found it easier to reaarange the room for the newest baby.As I sat there in her room I wonder is this new baby the one we will bring home or is there more heartache on the horizon. As we try to get excited about this referral I feel guilty for our baby girl-so how do I balance it all? How do we open our hearts? How do we not worry about this baby? I can tell you I need to find a way to balance it all because its starting to affect my mommy duties,my wife duties and my household duties not to mention my diet ,sleep,etc. Maybe it was too soon to accept a referral but I also can not imagine being stuck in limbo in this process. So as I have no idea what each day brings please pray we can figure out how to balance it all


BeBe Peg said...

Dear Dawn,
You know that God would not have sent you another referral if he did not have a wonderful, perfect plan for you and your family. Even though you are grieving for your Dear Daughter, Bontu,you know that God had an important plan for her and that he is sending you another dear child to be in your life. It will be perfect, as is everything he does. You opened your hearts to his plan and you will not be disappointed in the outcome. He has provided you with the strength you need to see his plan come to fruition.
Much Love, from
A Grandma who is waiting for her grandson from Ethiopia to arrive very soon.

Ronnie and Suzi said...

Prayers for all of you! Hand it over to the Lord. He has so much more grace and power than any human can ever muster. These are the moments when the poem Footprints comes to mind. He'll carry you. He loves you and will carry you through these tough times till pure joy fills your heart again!

Heather said...

Grieving is difficult. I cannot imagine the pain you must feel after losing Bontu. I think worrying about our babies while they are in Ethiopia is something we all do without the loss you experienced. Your new daughter is in good hands and will come home to you. Hopefully soon. It is rare for a family to lose a referral and I have never heard of someone losing two. I trust God will give you the strength to find peace and bring this baby home to you. He is in control and will help all of you through this.

Sheryl said...


Hang in there...I can't imagine what you are going through, but know that my heart goes out to you.